I was feeling lonely and forgotten. So I took a walk, hoping maybe I'd see something interesting or beautiful or strange that would capture my mind, and maybe just maybe inspire me. So how do I feel now? Lonely and forgotten, but I don't feel so bad about that anymore.

I ended up taking a walk down a recently abandoned construction road behind our dorm It is a beautiful clear breezy night and Sathya played clear and bright. I had some interesting ideas for some music I've been working on with my roommate. The pale wide asphalt striking a line through vacant dirty fields made me feel so much more insignificant. It feels like such a lost stretch of road, worn down in places and scattered with expensive palms, beautiful weeds, and ugly weeds. Sometimes it feels as if I've found some great ancient boulevard. Maybe that's what made me feel better about feeling elapsed as I walked it's stretch in the star night and not too far off city light with my guitar in hand.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being pretentious, throwing entire pages away. Sometimes I am, but I don't care.

I'm going out again, without Sathya this time. I'd like to walk with her through this shitty little town with it's uptight too comfortable people, but I don't want them to hear any of the emotions that I have to play.

I'm feeling very anxious and I need to move. I need to roam. I don't trust myself to get into my car right now. I'm certain that by the end of the night I'd be out of the state, feeling that I couldn't turn back even though I know that I could. Hopefully I won't get as far on foot. Also hopefully I won't delete this as soon as I get back. It would seem a shame to pretend that all of these key presses never happened. Away! Into the black and white night on the wings of melancholy.

A pepper grinder bobbed in the light as I approached.
Discarded, I picked it up.
Not because it was trash.
Not because it may have been my words that put it there.
I picked it up and brought it upstairs
to discard again.
This is not Tennessee
there are no hills
and plastic doesn't age well.