How is it that I can want more than anything (well more than most things at least, but I'm not so sure now about anything) to find a casual romantic companion, but at the same time want nothing to do with them because they seem like more trouble and heartache than their worth?

And, how is it that the answer is so obvious that this is simply the nature of the beast, but it is still a question, which distracts me thoroughly throughout the day?

Will the ever be a point wherein I can actively pursue an object of my desire without forsaking the object (disclaimer: object used here to preserve ambiguity, not to imply any sort of possessor / possession relationship) or my academics (or profession, et cetera)?